Parental Controls

‘I’ve updated my husband to the new V6 model,’ said Mama, sipping her potassium iodide tea.

‘That’s nice, dear,’ said Granny.

‘It has a triple-A behavioural modifier that you can set to either Agreeable, Assertive, or, if you’re having one of those days, Argumentative. Bet you wish you had those options with Daddy.’

‘Ha-ha-ha,’ said Granny.

Lying on the rubber mat scrolling listlessly through the morning’s executions on his Vidi-Palm. Voltus released a groan. These conversations between his mother and his grandmother were dull enough to send a Dishwashing Droid into a system shutdown .

‘It’s wonderful for when Voltus gets out of hand,’ said Mama. ‘I can just flip the switch and the V6 goes into automatic reproach mode. Has a better curriculum chip than the V5 as well, which means Voltus never falls behind at school. Isn’t that right, Voltus?’

Voltus grunted. ‘The V5 had better motor skills for playing Anti-Grav Ball.’

‘I didn’t get it to be your plaything, young man. You have enough gadgets to keep you occupied.’ Mama set her lead teacup down on the table. ‘Honestly, Mummy, children these days are spoilt. We didn’t have half the things they have, and we were much better behaved, weren’t we?’

Granny’s head performed a half rotation either direction. ‘You were sometimes a handful yourself, dear.’

Voltus smirked as disapproval tightened Mama’s face. Reaching for the controls, she twiddled the central knob and jabbed the compliance button.

‘I said, we were much better behaved, weren’t we?’ Mama asked.

Granny’s head tilted down, tilted up. ‘Yes, dear, you were much better behaved.’

‘For goodness sake, Mama, leave it alone.’ Voltus scowled. ‘You’re always messing with the settings.’

‘That’s enough, young man,’ Mama said. ‘One more word and you’ll lose your Astral Projector for the week.’

‘Aw, Mama-‘

‘Anyway.’ She rose, smoothing down her pink hazmat overalls. ‘I have a few errands to run, Mummy, so we’ll finish this conversation later. Why don’t you catalogue the sythi-meat recipes while we’re gone?’

‘Yes, dear,’ said Granny.

Mama pressed the off button and the light faded from Granny’s eyes.

‘Why do you bother with that thing?’ asked Voltus.

‘That’s no way to speak about your grandmother.’

‘It’s not my grandmother.’ Voltus glared at the prone metal form. ‘Granny was never that boring, or that nice. I don’t know what the point of it is.’

Mama assumed a faraway expression. ’When your lifeforce is almost extinguished, you’ll want to have your consciousness uploaded to the Metaverse, you wait and see.’

‘Huh.’ Voltus sneered. ‘Not if my responses can be changed at the push of a button.’

‘It’s just a tweak here and there. Your grandmother used to control what I said and did when she was alive, I’m just returning the favour.’ Mama connected the recharging cable to the base of Granny’s spine. ‘Now, we’d better hurry if we’re going to take your pet meerkat to the repair shop before it closes.’

Voltus picked up the handled storage box from the corner of the room and followed his mother out of the apartment. In the ensuing silence, Granny sat motionless in the armchair, sunlight glistening on the drop of motor oil leaking from her ocular cavity.

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Angel of the Lobby

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A Cat’s Search For Meaning